I have met my husband... - Kruszer's Journal
I have met my husband...|
First of all, I want to say that I'm very excited and happy for you. I was hopeful for you when this first happened, and I'm super-excited that this friendship is continuing. This is one of the most fun times in a relationship. :)
Now, I have several things I want to address or share, so here goes. :)
Maybe I don't know how to accept love. Maybe I'm in love with an ideal that can't exist to the point that when I find the closest thing to that ideal I'm still searching for something to find fault with it. I think I'm messed up.
EVERYONE is messed up in some way or another. So yes...you're messed up, but so is everyone else, including Aaron, though you may not have had enough time to discover his yet. As for the rest of this quote, I think the "searcing for something to find fault with" is probably more due to the fear of being vulnerable in that way again due to past deep hurts. You will have to really search your thoughts and heart to see what the root of that is. And remember that there will be NO ONE who has no faults. As much as I love Mark, there are things about him that annoy me and things that make me think, "Am I sure I want to do this?" (and he's told me he feels the same about me). So...remember to come at it with that realistic perspective, and try to figure out the root of your fears so you'll know if they're legitimate concerns about the present relationship or past hurts trying to control your future.
The correspondence pattern reminds me a bit of a relationship I know firsthand... ;) Mark and I definitely talk for hours and hours on end, and we like to send old-fashioned "snail mail" letters, too. We used to comment on how they seem so much more intimate. (And on a practical level...they are good "proof of relationship" when getting into immigration stuffs. :P )
He said that he didn't know how he could be so sure so soon but that he truly believed with all his heart that this was the right path for him to be on. Our conversations have intensified since then and I've heard him gradually move to speaking like our future together was a matter of "when" and no longer an "if".
From my experience, it is true that "when you know, you know." Mark and I were pretty sure about one another before we even met in person. We were also pretty sure fairly soon into the relationship. So...I definitely think it's possible for you two to know this early in the relationship. However, I'd also be careful to be sure it's not just the romantic excitement that one feels when a new relationship is blossoming because the fact is that the excitement and newness will fade over time, and there has to be true love for one another that steps in at that point. (What I mean is that the lovey feelings need to be supported by the stronger love of choice...love when it's not easy and even when the feelings aren't there.) My only advice here would be the same as you've already gotten: keep praying about it, praying that you would both be seeking to follow God's will and that you would have true godly love for one another.
To be continued...